it's always ourselves we find in the sea
I’m bummed I won’t be able to catch the season finale of American Horror Story tonight. Unfortunately, I don’t have FX and I’ll have to catch it online somewhere tomorrow. Sigh.
I just don’t fucking understand you. It’s like once you realize you’re getting too close to me, you start to distance yourself and treat me like everybody else.
For Christmas, I just want to see you. I don’t care when, but I’m really hoping that I get to see you over this break before you leave.
I have this silly image of you coming to see me on Christmas Day or on New Years Eve. I guess I’m hoping that you’ll come and surprise me, and I know you probably won’t unless I hint at it, but I want you to surprise me without me saying anything.
It doesn’t really matter anyway, we barely talk anymore. I miss our late night conversations over the phone that would last until three or four in the morning. I miss falling asleep to your voice.
I just really want to see you before you leave. I want to have one whole day with you and one whole night with you. That should last me the next six months.
I dreamed about you last night. It’s the first dream I’ve had about you in a while.
It was lovely to see you
I used to dream about you every night and tell you about it every morning. I miss seeing you in my dreams.
I wrote two poems about you. I promised myself I wouldn’t.
Or at least, I didn’t expect to have done it.
I wanted to tell you before you left, but I didn’t have the courage. I’m going to miss you and I never thought I would feel like this about you.
I’ll probably never see you again. Have fun in London.
WOOOOT! It’s my birthday today, and I’m finally 21!
Too bad I’ll be spending it doing homework all day and not drinking because I’m sick yet again.
December 2, 2011
So I was recently hospitalized and have been home from school since Monday and will be until Monday night or Tuesday and today my friends Jon, Fae, and Andrew came to visit me. It was so sweet of them and I love them for it! Fae made me some awesome sugar cookies with frosting which I am totally porking down on. Jon was gracious enough to drive and I’m really happy that he decided to visit, it was really sweet of him to come up. Andrew bought me a book from one of my favorite authors who came to speak at my college but that I had to miss. On top of all that the theater club sent me a card which I received today and I almost cried it was so sweet.
This whole ordeal made me realize how much people care; my family’s been taking are of me and making sure I feel comfortable all the time and my friends have been sweet and trying to make me feel better. I just feel really loved and I’m grateful for my family and all my friends. Especially my mom who’s been basically waiting on me hand and foot and making sure I’m alright.
I also got two make shift cards. One from my friend Chris who drew a vein-y and hairy penis on the inside, and the other from my friend Wil who drew me a picture of Harry Potter and it was very sweet.
I want to thank everyone that’s been supportive and helpful during this whole thing, but also I can’t wait until I heal and am all better!
It’s come to that point in the semester where I’m so stressed and emotionally drained that I just want to give up and sleep all the time. I just…I don’t even know how to articulate how I’m feeling, and I don’t think I actually want to. I’m scared to let anyone in.
I really should have Tumbled about this weekend, and I would right now but I’m really tired and I went to bed at 8am. Let’s just say it was sort of wild, but I didn’t do anything stupid.
I’m never on Tumblr anymore! D:
But on the bright side, my weekend has officially started, but now I’m all alone in my dorm watching HGTV and snuggling up with my Wall-e blanket. I am such a loser.
Nothing fucking interesting happened tonight. I kept getting buzzed and then kept having my buzz killed because tonight was fucking stupid. First off, I’m angry I didn’t get drunk and secondly I’m angry that campus was fucking dead tonight….IT’S THE FIRST FUCKING SATURDAY NIGHT. So I’m just going to do a real quick recap.
Every fucking room was too hot to be in.
Reslife was fucking stupid and kept telling people to go find a room and go to bed WHEN EVERYONE IS FUCKING OUTSIDE. Like no, if I want to be outside, I will stay outside. THANK YOU DICK FUCKS.
Some guy slapped my ass.
Some other guy put his crotch in front of my face while trying to get on me while I was smoking a cigarette and then proceeded to angrily tell me that I’m on the wrong team and that I need to “feel a black dick in me”. SORRY I’M ONLY INTERESTED IN WHITE GUYS. I’M NOT RACIST, IT’S JUST MY PREFERENCE. SORRY I TURNED YOU DOWN TWO NIGHTS AGO BUT DON’T FUCKING GET ALL UP ON ME AND ANGRILY WHISPER DIRTY THINGS IN MY EAR; I’M NOT FUCKING INTERESTED IN YOU. And you know what? It’s not even about color, this guys is ugly and obviously the biggest douche bag and creeper in the world plus he’s mad disrespectful; I don’t care what race he is, I STILL WOULD NOT FUCK HIM. I don’t understand why guys think I want to hook up with them. I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU, I MET YOU ONCE. I’m not trying to have a one night stand; so far I’ve been really good and I’d like to keep it that way until I least meet someone I’m attracted to, SHIT.
I ate a taquito.
Wandered around campus for basically two hours.
Crept on the freshman and trust me there’s nothing special in that class. Obviously.
Basically went through a pack of cigarettes. Fuck my life.
Some girl had to ride in an ambulance. Apparently she “drank too much”.
Oh and my friend totally placed her huge ass tits on my face while she was trying to get dressed. Not my thing.
I need to go to bed, seriously. This night was disappointing and frustrating.